so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's blow job season.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
