it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
