I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
