apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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