you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
