Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
