dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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