sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
