the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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