Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
