i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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