i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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