I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
