very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
