My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
