dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
