I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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