So drunk its hurt
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
