FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nutella sex= disaster
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
