If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
