Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
