Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
