you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
