So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
