You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
