I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
