Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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