I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
