i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
