Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
