Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
