bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
