Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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