Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
