Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
