hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
