we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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