you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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