Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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