Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
