you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
