I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
