I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
