wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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