is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
