well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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