Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
BRING THE BAGELS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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