My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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