all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My feet surprised me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
