I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
