u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
