I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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