Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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